That Geeky Girl

I purchased a domain again. Someday if it ever dies, I may be back. But should anybody still read this and would like to stay in touch...I can be reached at:

Actually I'm not sure if I'm skipping class or not, as I'm not sure class even happened today. I was outside checking out the ground breaking stuff and the 60's protest when I noticed that most of the people from my class were hanging out and participating. I went down to the room and nobody was in there haha. So I'm sitting here in the library for a little bit eating crunch'n munch with Chrissy and checking up on headlines. Two things have caught my attention in the past two days. Firstly I was at work last night and saw that this HIDEOUSLY terrifying man raped...a 3 year old. What kind of SICK, disgusting person could ever even dream of such a thing. If you saw the report on CNN then you know what this guy looks like. He looks like a totally freaked out wild-haired form of Charles Manson. The only reason he was turned in was because his ex-girlfriend did it. Can you imagine how many other people are out there like that who never get punished? Scary.

Something else was a headline I saw right now about a Maine middle school that's going to offer contraceptives. Apparently in 3 middle schools through 4 years there were 17 pregnancies. That's just appalling. I mean, I wish I could get into these kids' heads now. When I was in middle school I never even once gave a single thought to something like that. I don't know, I just don't understand how they would want to have sex. Don't kids wanna play anymore? Someday it'll be like damn, I should've been a kid for longer.

Well in other news the Penguins lost last night to the Devils in an absolutely insane game. I hate the Devils. But that game was nuts. There was this amazing Crosby pass while he was sliding on his ass to Sykora but he couldn't make the goal. Either way the game made me mad. Sure they had some bad calls but not all of them were bad. Six consecutive penalties? Total crap.

Well I'm off, time to do some running around til I get to see my baby <3

Well I just bombed a biology exam I totally wasn't ready for. I studied but definitely not enough. I didn't even have a drive to study. I've been absolutely miserable all day. I'm constantly exhausted everyday. No matter how much sleep I get, within maybe 6 or 7 hours of waking up I'm completely exhausted and feel I could fall asleep if I sat down. Right now I'm fighting to keep my eyes open...and it's only 6 pm. A few months ago I was like this and had a lot on my mind and was just constantly worried. I think it's coming back. I hate trying to talk about it because the immediate reaction is ohh you're just a little stressed you're too young to be stressed you have no idea about anything. All I do is school and work and barely ever anything else. I never do anything. And you'd think with work I'd have money to do things, but no of course not. I haven't enjoyed buying something without feeling guilty about it in I don't know how long. Why does it have to be this way. I can barely afford to buy myself food or even an apple juice, which I've been desperately craving but can't possibly waste my money on, before my next paycheck. Welcome to freakin dirt-poor college life. I'm about to start getting ramen noodles to live on. I already eat pizza every other day because I get it for free from my friend and the best food right now is free food. I have $8 to get me to Tuesday...7 days away. I don't know, this sick feeling really hit me yesterday after drawing class. I was outside on the most amazing day ever sitting in the shade on the grass drawing a big old tree. Everything was perfect and I felt more at peace than I had in a long time. That's the kind of environment I need to inspire my writing. I always hate my drawing class but yesterday I didn't want to leave. Then it just slowly hit me. I got to work and just hit a wall. I was dead and trying desperately to keep a smile on my face. I've been completely exhausted ever since. But then again I think it's been starting since before drawing yesterday, I've just been trying to fight it off.

My eyes are burning like mad and my neck and back ache worse than ever sitting in this chair. I'm in the computer lab at school for another 45 minutes til the end of testing time...then I have to go back and lecture for an hour or two then do lab for an hour or two. I wanna go home so bad, but what would I do if I did? Probably sit at the computer feeling completely unfulfilled just like always. I hate feeling like my life is dragging me along without letting me stop and live it. I wanna do things! I hate money. Maybe this is all because it's getting cold and wintry...aka the time everyone gets depressed. I can't even put rational thoughts together here, my head and neck are throbbing like crazy. Not to mention some chick on one of the computers across the room is hiccupping every 4 seconds and is really getting on my nerves.

I'm gonna go lay on my back on a bench I think and set my phone alarm to wake me up when I have to go back. No guarantee I'll wake up but oh well.

I'm absolutely disgusted right now. I was watching the news ticker across the escalators at work today, which I tend to be way more interested in when I'm there, and saw a headline about something that happened in the news recently. A 14 year old boy in Pennsylvania was apparently planning to enact another school massacre. He was arrested Wednesday and was found to have in his possession a semiautomatic rifle and 30 other air-powered guns made to look like higher-powered weapons. There were knives, a bomb-making book, tapes of the Columbine shooting, and notebooks filled with hate. What is happening to these people? As soon as something like this happens it never stops. Why are people so filled with hate that they become so selfish as to believe it doesn't matter who they kill. Who they kill? So some kids pick on you. Why is the answer to this problem now to go on a massive killing spree and then commit suicide? What is resolved by any of it? NOTHING! The only resolution you have come to is that you're dead along with x number of people who didn't do a thing to you. I wanna know what goes through their minds. How do they possibly believe that doing such TERRIBLE things will make them feel BETTER? Or make bullies stop picking on people? It saddens me really, that things like this have students all over the country shifting uncomfortably in their chairs when they hear about another school shooting. Another one! Like it's some commonplace thing now! It could happen anywhere and that makes me sick. It just makes me sick!

Before I keep going with that I also want to mention that that semiautomatic rifle was bought for that kid by his mother, because he was unhappy. How could you do such a thing? Not that she was aware of what he was thinking to use it for, but the boy is FOURTEEN! I don't even think some adults are mature enough to understand what they could do if they have a gun in the house. You could kill somebody. You could KILL somebody. Kill. Do people even understand that word anymore? I'm not anti-guns but I do believe that most people who own one don't understand that they have extinguished a life. A life that wasn't theirs to take. I mean perhaps if it was in defense it couldn't be helped. I don't know, I'm getting tired and I'm just fed up with this kind of shit.

Something else though, I heard this morning I think that they're trying to get teachers to be paid to take some class that lets them be licensed to carry a gun around campus. Now tell me what part of that doesn't make you sick? I'm not saying it may not be what has to be done in this day and age, but that's just the sickening part...that it's what has to be done. It's what the American race has resorted to these days. Always living in fear. We live in fear of being attacked everyday even if we don't consciously know it, whether by some guy on campus or by a terrorist organization. It's sickening, and it needs to stop. I'm not antiwar at all, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that if we hadn't gone over there to the Middle East, we would still all be completely safe just like we have been "all that time" before 9/11. The fact is we wouldn't be. We need to be over there. At least that's what I think anyway. But I've tired myself out with all that...it's time for bed. Long day of work ahead.

I was this close to going to bed before I decided to come and write something. For some reason I'm really becoming aware of what Andy really has over anyone else. I can't put it into words so don't expect me to, but thinking back to all these people I've ever known, there's nobody like him and nobody who's so different from me but so amazingly identical. I don't know, it's something like that. I mean not that I didn't know from the very beginning, which was when we were like 13, what he had over everyone else, but there's a certain level of deeper understanding that you arrive at sometimes in a relationship like ours. Even being together so long it's like we still find out new things about each

At the Pens home opener

Well tomorrow's Monday and it's off to another week of stupid classes and being generally exhausted and miserable for 4 days. But Thursday is hopefully haircut day (as you can see my hair is ridiculously long) and perhaps I'll have some pics.

Well, I started the new job at TGI Fridays at the airport on Friday. It's a lot better than my last few jobs. I'm a hostess, so we pretty much enjoy ourselves talking up at the front unless we're seating people, which isn't always the case. Everyone seems pretty nice and we already get along well so I'm happy about that. But I'm not really in the mood to talk about work, so I'll continue.

I debated this morning whether I would go to my sociology class or not. It drags on for hours even though it's only an hour and 20 minutes long. Today was actually not as bad though since me and Chrissy pretty much talked the whole time and read each other's creative writing stories. She also brought us raspberry mocha fraps which was awesome of her. I'll have to bring something for us sometime too. So all through soc we were getting excited to talk about our other classmates' stories in creative writing, then we leave soc and find a class canceled sign next to the door. It really sucked. Of all classes to be canceled I really wish it hadn't been creative writing, but then again it did give me more time to come home and waste time before I actually start studying for my bio exam, which is indeed tonight. Problem is I really don't feel the need to study because half the stuff is like "what does mitochondria do?" and "what is a chromosome?" Seriously, I know that crap. There's just little things I don't know, but that makes it even harder to study since I feel like I know it all already from previous classes. Oh well, I'll study sometime hopefully.

And now, my favorite part of today's entry, I'm pumped as hell to go see Puddle of Mudd with Andy on Friday in Columbus. We're gonna drive out and stay in a cheap motel and then come back. Problem is that feels like so far away. Ah oh well...it'll come soon enough. It's all general admission so maybe I'll have some awesome shots of Wes Scantlin belting out his wonderful songs. Well alright, I'm off to waste more time before I study. And I know I changed my layout, the other was boringly black even though I liked the picture.

I'll tell you what frustrates me more than anything. I get this great idea, and I'm so prepared to start writing it. I have it all. I open a word document and there's that blank white sheet and that little blinking black line. I just freeze. It happened just a moment ago. I'm sitting here with my hands on the keyboard, watching that black line blink endlessly back at me. What's it's deal anyway? Can't it just stop mocking me? I hate looking at that white screen. I suddenly have no idea how to start something, and soon enough I don't even remember what I was going to write about in the first place. Just general pieces of it. I wish I could write as fast as I type, I would write my stories over typing them any day. At least then I have the actual papers in my hands, and stories hundreds of pages long can't get wiped out because of a hard drive crash! Yeah, that's probably the biggest tragedy in my life so far. The fact that years and years of stories and hard work will probably never exist again. Things that I really poured my soul into, spending so much time just...writing. But I've long since accepted the loss of everything, I'm already frustrated enough not to have to get into it again.

On another note, I'm really craving a bubble bath and my bathtub is nowhere close to being bubble bath-worthy. It's tiny and I can't even stretch out in it. I'm not sure why I had to mention that, I guess to just get my mind off things.

Comments aren't better than bubble baths, but leave one anyway.

Baby

I'm not entirely sure what to write. It's late, I have to get up early to get badged at the airport, and I should be in bed.But no I've been all over the internet looking at things I desperately want but probably will never have. I'm in the negatives right now as far as money goes, but that's probably because I'm between jobs. It really sucks, and I feelreaaallyy insignificant. I have a couple pictures today, mostly because I just uploaded a batch from my camera and these two are my favorites.

This is my baby kitty. I call him Baby even though that's not his name. I love him to death. He runs around crazily andhas huge eyes and is probably the most adorable snuggle baby pancake love in the world. I know, I need help, but this picture is so damn cute.

Moving on, I have this thing with taking pictures of cool things in the sky. Particularly, and I know this surprises anyone who knows I live in Pennsylvania, cool sunsets. You wouldn't believe how nice the sunsets can be here. It amazes me, really. I have quite a few that I've gathered over the years, but this one may be my favorite. I took it after me, Andy, his brother, and his brother's girlfriend went to the new Pittsburgh Mills Mall to see the new Penguins jerseys unveiled. When we left the place there was this spectacular sunset. I don't even know if it qualifies as a sunset...it looks more like something to do with heaven.

Heavenly Sunset

It's harder to see when the picture's so small, but there's these fat beams of light coming out from that cloud that sitting above the sun. I've never seen the rays actually fan out like that. Especially going upwards and not downwards.

So yeah, that's pretty much all I have today. I'm tired as heck and I have been since school started, which is just crazy and I don't get it. I have tons to do for classes though, including a creative writing assignment that I need major inspiration for. Well anyway, until next time as usual.

Comments are better than homework.

Somehow I knew today was too good to be true. It was all in the fact that once I got out of my drawing class I'd be free to come home and do some quality relaxing. But no, some crazy chick decided at the very last second to not go through the yellow light on the way out of the campus. At this point I was well prepared for her to have kept going so that I'd be the first in line at the light. But apparently that wasn't meant to be, as suddenly the chick just plain stopped, and I freakin plowed into her. WELL. Here I am ready to throw my recently acquired biology study guide out my windshield when I actually take a good look at her bumper. There wasn't anything there at all. Maybe two tiny scratches. Most of the jolt I must've felt must've merely been from me slamming my brakes so hard. So she gets out of the car, and naturally out of all the cars I had to hit it had to be the car of one of those chicks who just plain doesn't understand that anything could be her fault. She looks close to flipping out but instead looks at my front bumper and tells me I fucked my car up more than hers. So I look at it, and all I see there is a few scratches that were already there before this happened. Here I am thinking I'm about to get off easy, cuz there's no dents and barely any scratches on either car, when she's like ok I need your insurance information because if that needs fixed, you know, I gotta do it. I'm like dumbfounded. Fix...what, exactly? If she even screws up my insurance for two miniscule scratches I'll seriously lose whatever's left of my faith in the fact that I don't have all bad luck. Because I'm feelin pretty cursed right now. Not sure what cursed me, but I'll figure that out later. Honestly, I really don't believe in screwing people's insurance up over crap like that. Not to mention I was very apologetic. I was so ready to scream at her not to make sudden stops and make up her damn mind. I wasn't a problem at all. And I swear to god, if I get a call, I'm gonna whack something.

Anyway, tomorrow's my airport job fair thingy. I'm ready to smell that airport smell again.  Such a great smell. It smells like travel in there. I wonder if after awhile you get flight discounts. I don't even wanna think about what would happen if that was true. That reminds me, I have to get the mail. By the way incase no one noticed, I personalized my layout. It's very black I know, but you still can't mess with the actual colors on vox yet. None of the other colors matched anything in my banner image..so black it is. Until next time.

Comments aren't a city in China.