Blah, in every way

Well I just bombed a biology exam I totally wasn't ready for. I studied but definitely not enough. I didn't even have a drive to study. I've been absolutely miserable all day. I'm constantly exhausted everyday. No matter how much sleep I get, within maybe 6 or 7 hours of waking up I'm completely exhausted and feel I could fall asleep if I sat down. Right now I'm fighting to keep my eyes open...and it's only 6 pm. A few months ago I was like this and had a lot on my mind and was just constantly worried. I think it's coming back. I hate trying to talk about it because the immediate reaction is ohh you're just a little stressed you're too young to be stressed you have no idea about anything. All I do is school and work and barely ever anything else. I never do anything. And you'd think with work I'd have money to do things, but no of course not. I haven't enjoyed buying something without feeling guilty about it in I don't know how long. Why does it have to be this way. I can barely afford to buy myself food or even an apple juice, which I've been desperately craving but can't possibly waste my money on, before my next paycheck. Welcome to freakin dirt-poor college life. I'm about to start getting ramen noodles to live on. I already eat pizza every other day because I get it for free from my friend and the best food right now is free food. I have $8 to get me to Tuesday...7 days away. I don't know, this sick feeling really hit me yesterday after drawing class. I was outside on the most amazing day ever sitting in the shade on the grass drawing a big old tree. Everything was perfect and I felt more at peace than I had in a long time. That's the kind of environment I need to inspire my writing. I always hate my drawing class but yesterday I didn't want to leave. Then it just slowly hit me. I got to work and just hit a wall. I was dead and trying desperately to keep a smile on my face. I've been completely exhausted ever since. But then again I think it's been starting since before drawing yesterday, I've just been trying to fight it off.

My eyes are burning like mad and my neck and back ache worse than ever sitting in this chair. I'm in the computer lab at school for another 45 minutes til the end of testing time...then I have to go back and lecture for an hour or two then do lab for an hour or two. I wanna go home so bad, but what would I do if I did? Probably sit at the computer feeling completely unfulfilled just like always. I hate feeling like my life is dragging me along without letting me stop and live it. I wanna do things! I hate money. Maybe this is all because it's getting cold and wintry...aka the time everyone gets depressed. I can't even put rational thoughts together here, my head and neck are throbbing like crazy. Not to mention some chick on one of the computers across the room is hiccupping every 4 seconds and is really getting on my nerves.

I'm gonna go lay on my back on a bench I think and set my phone alarm to wake me up when I have to go back. No guarantee I'll wake up but oh well.