3 posts tagged “life”
Well I just bombed a biology exam I totally wasn't ready for. I studied but definitely not enough. I didn't even have a drive to study. I've been absolutely miserable all day. I'm constantly exhausted everyday. No matter how much sleep I get, within maybe 6 or 7 hours of waking up I'm completely exhausted and feel I could fall asleep if I sat down. Right now I'm fighting to keep my eyes open...and it's only 6 pm. A few months ago I was like this and had a lot on my mind and was just constantly worried. I think it's coming back. I hate trying to talk about it because the immediate reaction is ohh you're just a little stressed you're too young to be stressed you have no idea about anything. All I do is school and work and barely ever anything else. I never do anything. And you'd think with work I'd have money to do things, but no of course not. I haven't enjoyed buying something without feeling guilty about it in I don't know how long. Why does it have to be this way. I can barely afford to buy myself food or even an apple juice, which I've been desperately craving but can't possibly waste my money on, before my next paycheck. Welcome to freakin dirt-poor college life. I'm about to start getting ramen noodles to live on. I already eat pizza every other day because I get it for free from my friend and the best food right now is free food. I have $8 to get me to Tuesday...7 days away. I don't know, this sick feeling really hit me yesterday after drawing class. I was outside on the most amazing day ever sitting in the shade on the grass drawing a big old tree. Everything was perfect and I felt more at peace than I had in a long time. That's the kind of environment I need to inspire my writing. I always hate my drawing class but yesterday I didn't want to leave. Then it just slowly hit me. I got to work and just hit a wall. I was dead and trying desperately to keep a smile on my face. I've been completely exhausted ever since. But then again I think it's been starting since before drawing yesterday, I've just been trying to fight it off.
My eyes are burning like mad and my neck and back ache worse than ever sitting in this chair. I'm in the computer lab at school for another 45 minutes til the end of testing time...then I have to go back and lecture for an hour or two then do lab for an hour or two. I wanna go home so bad, but what would I do if I did? Probably sit at the computer feeling completely unfulfilled just like always. I hate feeling like my life is dragging me along without letting me stop and live it. I wanna do things! I hate money. Maybe this is all because it's getting cold and wintry...aka the time everyone gets depressed. I can't even put rational thoughts together here, my head and neck are throbbing like crazy. Not to mention some chick on one of the computers across the room is hiccupping every 4 seconds and is really getting on my nerves.
I'm gonna go lay on my back on a bench I think and set my phone alarm to wake me up when I have to go back. No guarantee I'll wake up but oh well.
Well here I am, 1:46 AM and needing VERY much to go to bed so I can get up and hand my research paper in, but quite unable to sleep. Not like it entirely matters though, after I hand my paper in I'm coming straight back home and sleeping til work later. Not like I have anything to miss in my business class anyway, all I do is play bejeweled on my phone...
Anyway, that's pretty much how I feel on the left there. See, it's a smiley cookie from eat n' park (I'm not sure if anyone knows eat n' park except around where I'm from, it's a cheap family restaurant that's a very typical hangout for young people at 2 AM cuz it's open 24 hours)...which is frowning...because it's raining. And maybe because it's just depressed with life in general and doesn't understand anything anymore. Intriguing for sure.
Sorry I can't be more amusing tonight. I really thought I'd be ecstatic after I finally finished that dreaded research paper...but it turns out I probably feel even worse. I wish I wasn't such an idiot and so selfish.
Although the good news is I still have an interesting site for you. International Space Station tracking. It shows you the exact position of the space station in the world, shows you its orbit and everything in real time. It may not be amusing, but it's interesting, and that's the best I can do in my present state of mind. Well, I'm off to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling probably. Fall asleep eventually I hope.
When I keep a blog I usually like to post some that I have found over my constant web surfing, as I have been on a computer since my mother taught me the alphabet on a keyboard (I swear this happened). Needless to say, I have collected a number of pictures and websites that just tickle me as funny. So here, of course, is edition #1.
The fan and vacuum picture is pretty old in my collection. I have no idea where it came from or when I found it, as it was most likely back when I didn't bother to remember such things. But honestly...I don't care what kind of sense of humor you have...the picture just KILLS me. And so I give you the picture on the right ^_^
Now, I believe a website is in order as well. Unfortunately my site collection has diminished greatly over the years due to various computer issues, all of which pissed me off to no end but luckily I remembered where I found most of the good ones. Since we're on the subject of amusing pictures, I give you, in my opinion, the greatest site of amusing cat pictures I've ever seen in my life: Guarantee you'll be sending them to your friends, or your money back. (I'm just kidding, of course. There's no money involved. Calm down, people.)
Well, as far as my life goes at the moment, I'm on spring break. Could I be any happier about that? Absolutely not. The idea that I've been here, sitting on my ass, doing nothing at all, is most welcome. However, realizing that I need to make a presentation plus write two research papers fairly soon is certainly not welcome at all. But basically, in my usual fashion, I'll put it off to the very last minute, bitch about how stressed out I am even though it will be my fault, and then be immensely relieved when it's all done. And I'm sure when that happens, I'll celebrate with my friends Ben and Jerry. (and for those of you who don't get the joke, that's a brand of ice cream.) But anywho, until next time.
